you look fatter in person… and other concerns

Angles, angles, angles.

Part of having a successful social media persona is knowing your angles. You would be surprised by how critical the angular structure of a selfie is. In just a slight change of degrees you can go from Honey Boo Boo’s mom to, well, Honey Boo Boo’s mom today. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather be Honey Boo Boo’s mom today. That’s a sentence I never thought I’d say. But the point I’m trying to make is you don’t regularly see many unflattering selfies around because most people know their angles. My favorite angles are usually the “one-armed selfie from above eye-level” and the “two-armed selfie exactly at eye-level.” I have thousands of selfies I can show you if you don’t believe it. Choosing your best angles or posting your most flattering selfies is not a problem, but it starts becoming one when you look like a completely different person in real life.

Juan’s signature “meaningful stare” changes when directed at different angles.

As evidenced in the photo comparison above, I look completely different in two pictures taken about a minute apart. In fact, the only similarity they share is how oily my skin looks (I had just woken up, give me a break!). But when you observe the comparison, I will admit that my cheeks look chubbier in the first picture, my body structure looks bigger, and most importantly, you can see two of my chins. You don’t see pictures like that on my Instagram, so my concern with real-life meeting “internet friends” (those you talk to exclusively on social media), is that one might utter the awkward phrase: “you look fatter in person.”

See, I don’t mind honesty. I would just be concerned with the follow up to that statement. Like, how would I respond to that?

  • “Yeah, I’ve been eating for two! Me and my crippling depression. ha ha ha ha *cries* ha ha ha ha
  • “Thank you, you too!”
  • “HOW DARE YOU! *slaps person, holds flowy skirt, runs away crying*

This concern of mine is totally unfounded. I’ve met a lot of people under these circumstances and the only comment I’ve heard regarding a discrepancy in my real-life appearance is “whoa, you’re tall!” But still, the fact that my selfie game is strong, makes me feel like I’m catfishing people in real life.

A solution I thought will help solve this concern of mine is to post unflattering selfies from time-to-time. To post a selfie so spectacularly bad, that when you see me in the actual world, you would think to yourself ” whoa, not too bad.” But realistically, and maybe due to societal norms, posting unflattering selfies represents a vulnerability I’m not ready to encounter. So for now, I will keep posting the pictures I find to show my best features. But if I ever go missing, put the first picture from my comparison in the milk carton because that’s the real Juan, the other Juan lives peacefully within the realms of Instagram.


One comment

  1. Juan, you are hilarious! This is absolutely true. I’ve gotten mixed reviews in the past. Some say I look better in person and some do say I look better in photos. Which is true, I’m not sure. 🤷🏽‍♂️ for now I’ll make sure to post a bad selfie from time to time! Thanks me for a good laugh! 😊


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