i’m not like all the other guys: lies i’ve told when dating

There are usually only two types of people in the dating world, those who are desperately looking and those with unrealistic expectations. The former will usually settle for anyone who’s willing to be with them. While the latter will turn any flaw into a deal-breaker and then excuse their insane expectations by saying “the right person is worth waiting for, NEXT!” I’m I getting too real yet? Well imagine the struggle of being a person with both of these problematic character traits.

Juan is a hopeless romantic looking for love. Juan is also a realist who knows what he wants and can see when things are falling apart. Juan’s nature to desperately find “something real” will push him to move past flaws and characteristics that he knows will create a bigger issue later on. Juan keeps focusing on the positive until the day he can’t take it anymore and has to have that awkward conversation. Juan often references himself in third person.

I always liked to think that I was not like all the other guys. I’m a guy that values romance, sentimentality, and thoughtful conversations over a one-night stand. I’m unapologetically in touch with my emotions, I believe in monogamy and faithfulness, and I will go out of my way to make someone else happy. I’ve always been aware of what makes me different and special. My own sense of (often unfounded) self-worth has often made me wonder: “what’s wrong with everyone? why can’t people see how good of a catch I am?” There is nothing wrong with admiring your best qualities. The issue I was having was not acknowledging my own flaws.

After my past relationships faced their inevitable death, I would always seek solace in my friends and told them how my ex “did me wrong.”

  • “Ugh, you’re better off!”
  • “He was the worst. He was psycho!”
  • “You did the right thing, this was all his fault!”

Jorge, Annie, Juanito, Erik, and Saria will all find variations of these statements that would ultimately make me feel better. But it wasn’t until one day, over a glass of wine (six shots of Jameson), when I realized that I wasn’t that ideal “Bachelor-like” prototype I created in my head. I can be stubborn, selfish, jealous, over-sensitive, needy, and at times, unfocused. I can be human.

It’s okay to be like all the other guys. We all have issues, we all have flaws, we all have qualities that are not desirable. The key is being aware and to make an effort to change these characteristics for yourself. Don’t say “I’m going to stop being stubborn because it bothers my new boyfriend.” Instead, say “I’ going to stop being stubborn because it’s preventing me from being reasonable and listening to both sides.”

I am like all the other guys.

Ultimately, we are all looking for something. Whether it is love, sex, or a guilt-free cheesecake recipe, we all have that sense of wonder and that is totally okay. So if you ever swipe right on me, know that I’m a piece of work, but as I’ve heard repeatedly from lazy employers, hard work usually pays off. And if you ever find that guilt-free cheesecake recipe, just hit your boy up.

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